"Pentium Pro" - by Steven Hanov (hanovs@wchat.on.ca)
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A parody of the song "Be Prepared", from Disney's THE LION KING.

Just imagine Scar in a cheap suit with a name tag: "Scar - Sales Dept."


[CUSTOMER - speaking]
I've always thought computers essential.
They're fun, with remarkable aims.
But now, mine has diMINISHing potential...
When running my SPREADSHEETS and GAMES.

[SALESMAN - song]
I know that your plastic stuffed wallet
is as dry as a cup full of ice
But now that you're here, read a pamphlet!
The sign says we'll beat any price!

It's clear from your specifications
You're aiming a little too low.
You're needing higher qualifications.
Even this one is terribly slow!

So prepare for the deal of a decade!
Be prepared for senSATIONAL speed!
A megahertz terror
that's free of all error

[CUSTOMER]
Thank GOD for THAT feature!

[SALESMAN]
It's one compact creature.
I know its expensive
but there's an incentive
Perhaps one CD game pack or two
The computer's all ready to go!
Pentium PRO!

(Speaking)
Customer: Pentium pro? Yeah, Pentium pro! uh...what is it?

Salesman: It's the latest one out.

Customer: My! Will it be obsolete?

Salesman: No, my friend, it's the fastest . . . and 32 bit too.

Customer: Great idea! But do I need 32 bits?

Salesman: ABSOLUTELY! There will BE a need!

Customer: uh, but my software's all--

Salesman: WINDOWS 97! Wait a while, and you'll NEVER need to UPGRADE again!

Customer: No upgrades?! YEEAAH! Gimme the PENTIUM PRO....HA ha ha ha!
	  
[CUSTOMER - singing]
It's great that I'll soon be connected
on a machine with a thick power cord

[SALESMAN]
Of course, quid pro quo, you're expected
to add certain cards to the board.
The package is full of surprises
and since you're the owner-to-be
The point that I won't emphasize is
You MIGHT have to BUY Win NT!    (wispered)

So prepare for the SALE of the CEN-TURY!
(I'll prepare for the deal of the century)
Be prepared for some pixel pizazz!
(Oooh!)
A speed demon modem
(I'll play Doom!)
Will quickly download 'em
(Lots of Doom!)
And the new Jazz drive
(I insist)
For data to thrive
(Endless Myst)
You'll have a computer
(Aaaaaaah!)
A network commuter
(Raaaaaaa--)
And unleash all the POWER it has!
(--aaaaaaam!)

Yes, its memory and speed will grow
PENTIUM PRO!

[TOGETHER]
Yes, its memory and speed will grow
PENTIUM PRO!

[SALESMAN]
See ya next year, sucker! Mu ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Steven Hanov (hanovs@wchat.on.ca)